I’m very sorry to all my readers that I stopped blogging for a while. Things got confusing. Basically, this post is to play “catch up.” Shady started out like my dream come true. We went on three more dates. We finally spanked the monkey. There was a lot of confusion in between all of those events. Irregular hangout and contact patterns. I found a makeup bag and additional pink tooth brush in his bathroom. I found evidence that the reason he was acting weird on my birthday at the end of the night was because he had to leave and meet his booty call. Then I said I was looking for a relationship and he agreed he wanted the same thing and we agreed to “take it slow” and “see where things go.” To put it simply, the name “Shady” now has new meaning.

The name started because of his reply to my howaboutwe.com date proposal. I proposed we eat at a gourmet meal truck and share our spoils at a shady park. His reply, “You had me at Shady Park.” I almost deleted the message because it was so friggen corny. Then my friend went through my responses as I was about to delete my account and now I had a date with Shady.

Out of the many dates I went on, this was the only one to not end at a first date. Unfortunately, it turned out that Shady’s M.O. was the same as all the “Ghosts of Boyfriends Past.” He’d shtoop me and ignore me. My worst fears and neuroses were actualized: he is just like every other guy.

No offense to ugly girls but I seriously envy you all. You don’t have these problems. No one wants to sleep with you just so they can brag about it to all their friends. Actually, most of the ugly girls I know have had more boyfriends and notches on the bedpost than me by ten-fold, at least. I can’t wrap my head around why but 90% of the guys I’ve been with have done this to me: ignore me after we’ve done the deed. I’ve gotten good reviews so I know its not a performance issue. They all just lie that they want the same thing as me and drop me after they get the goods.

I wanted to start this project to expand my horizons and how I met guys. Thinking it was the circle of guys I was surrounding myself with that led to these repeat conclusions. So far no dice… I have a few dates to write about also that I went on to “get my mind off of Shady” but every time I went out with someone else, I just wanted Shady all the more. He seemed so much more desirable by comparison. I really had my heart set on this one.

Then tonight, a half hour after we were supposed to touch base, I’m ready to leave and looking fab, I officially was bailed on by him via text, “splitting headache.” When I tried to call, he didn’t answer. To say the least, I’m devastated. I really liked him and wanted so badly to believe him and put my neurotic anxiety to rest that I can finally believe someone.

I’m sorry this isn’t that funny, guys. I promise my next two dates will be. This whole Shady thing really took the wind out of my blogging sails for a bit. I just take being lied to so personally. Especially when you’re given the “Get out of Jail free card” by me asking, “What are you looking for?” and you bullshit and say you want a relationship, too. 

Bottom Line:  Shady’s name was quite the foreshadowing. Getting hurt sucks monkey balls. Getting bailed on sucks even more. God, it’s good to be back.

Next Up: Dates with Tinker and SameName.

Your Undercover Lover,

Joneshaw