So there were two other dates I’ve been putting off writing about since my “whatever-you-call-limbo-phase-of-an-almost-maybe-relationship.” Just bringing you guys up to speed as to why they did not help take my mind off of Shady.

First we had Tinker. He was a nice guy when it came to sharing dinner conversation that focused entirely on our shared professional field. Poor Tinker seemed also a little to effeminate in his “-isms” and communication style for my type. Great restaurant, he paid, never heard from again. Later that night and well into the next morning, I cried because this date was clearly not attracted to me on a “date” level. This made me miss Shady SO MUCH!

Then we were graced with the cynical presence of SameName. If you’re wondering why the pseudonym, it’s because him and Shady in life, have THE SAME NAME. Well this looks like it’s going to be 110% UNPRODUCTIVE already, I can tell. SameName was super LATE, unapologetic, snobby (not in a cute way), braggy, impatient, and rude. He also had the delusion that we would be able to walk into the Boom Boom Room at the Standard. I lied and said that if I missed the 11:30pm bus, I’d have no way to get home. I then cried, yet again, about HOW MUCH BETTER SHADY IS THAN THESE LOSERS.

After two horrible dates and too many tears, I decided to take a break from dating new people. Actions speak louder than words and right now I’m not acting like I want that relationship I talked to him about. Finally, I realized that all this time I’ve been giving emotionally unavailable guys a pretty bum rep and it was all unjustified. If you consistently find emotionally unavailable guys its because some part of you is that way, too. 

The ironic part of that ironic epiphany is that you’re emotionally unavailable because you’re afraid of being hurt but being that way brings only more hurt than being vulnerable and open. Being emotionally available, open, and upfront with your prospective partner and your feelings is probably the most vindicating solution to all of these problems. Then once you accept this truth and put it into practice you can get to thinking, “If this is so great, how can it get any better?” Don’t answer the question though, because that’s the trick to staying emotionally available: being open to limitless possibilities. The answer to happiness in a relationship is not about finding all the right answers, moves, outfits, and dates. Its about asking the right questions, only to keep asking more. That’s how you get exactly what you always wanted and more.

Bottom Line: I am basically the pot calling the kettle black.

Next Up: Two upcoming posts about Shady!

Your Undercover Lover,

Joneshaw