After years of being long-distance BFFs, FratBoy’s moving into the tri-state area. Since he and his awesome GF are extremely supportive of my blog (he heard the stories of woe firsthand about all of my previous prospects) FratBoy has volunteered to find the friend fix-up that I have promised you all for so very long. To celebrate/catch up/discuss my fix-up we went out for pizza. During our short car ride to my favorite pizza place, Fratboy made a confession. “When I offered to fix you up, I was very tempted to set you up with this one guy that would make a hilarious blog entry but probably not your type date-wise but because we’re friends, I decided to set you up with someone nice instead.” Thanks for the honesty FratBoy, you were always good for that. Glad to know I’m your friend. “Well, also, he just wasn’t your type. He’s kind of a show off and you’re not into those guys that think they can buy everything.”
Wait a hot minute. TYPE?! If you lined up the winners I’ve dated and slept with in a line-up, you’d think they were waiting in line at a Subway, not brought in as similar suspects. Or maybe it’s the case of the Masked Offender, who’s only real common thread is emotional unavailability… but that hardly constitutes a “type.” The horrifying thing is that not only does FratBoy insist that I have a type, but also that he is in fact aware of what that type is. Granted, he’s known me for almost seven years. Throw-back jokes aside, how can he be aware of my type before I am?
Up until this point I very firmly believed that in regards to “typing” I’ve dated all losers equally—ranging from hot, to chub, to awkward, to stoner. I take pride in my ability to put myself out there and keep an open mind about prospective dates. So don’t confuse this shocking revelation (at least to me) with an angry and offended rant. It’s definitely not one of those. It just threw me for a loop because if I have a “type,” then what the hell is it?
FratBoy is putting out feelers for this alleged fix-up as we speak. Maybe this date will clue me into my supposed “type.” Maybe that’s why previous dates have not been so productive! I could have had a type this entire time unbeknownst to me, leaving me with dates that are extremely blog-able but stagnant.
At the end of the day, it’s in my best interest to leave the type debate alone. I already have enough mental obstacles between me and true, healthy intimacy. By not creating another one, I’m definitely doing myself a huge favor. While most folks I know live on the Isle de Relationship, I’m a few latitude lines South on the Archipelago of Anxiety (a much less exotic locale.) Comprised of smaller islands such as: Purely Physical, Almost Emotional, Default Obsessive, and the hot-spot, Just Plain Unawares! The problem structurally with living amidst an archipelago is that it takes a lot of time, resources, man power, and cash to build bridges and connect all the separate islands into one, full functioning state.
Bottom Line: Despite the lack of modern engineering resources, you can’t forget Hawaii! Not only do they have the archipelago thing all figured out, it’s one of the top honeymoon destinations in the world. It also has the highest standard of living in all fifty states. Ironic? I don’t think so.
Next Up: The much, anticipated fix-up? And maybe Howaboutwe.com date thrown in for good measure!
Your Undercover Lover,
Joneshaw
