There comes a time in every single woman’s life when the inevitable happens: you are the only one without a boyfriend. Suddenly, all the girls you used to party and lunch with on the reg-sies are busy. No one wants to go out and make out with strangers in a bar… Really, who needs a wine tasting when you have an entire cellar for your tapping at home? It’s understandable and normal to want to invest time in a budding new relationship. Then there’s the point in the new courtship when newly paired off friends, unbeknownst to them, start acting differently. This change of behavior branches into two categories: “Aw, poor lonely you” friends and “You’re SO lucky to be single” friends. Either way, sitting at a best friend’s birthday party as the only one arriving stag, expect judgment on your marital status passed regardless if it was your single-gal decision or not.  

Having recently labeled and made peace with what I want out of this Project, I’m taking initiative and putting myself “out there” in a huge way. Not in a desperate, “Take me I’m ready” way but in an enlightened, “Open to new possibilities” way. I’m not at all jealous of any of my girlfriends’ happiness in their relationships. I just want to let everyone know that my singledom is not a contagious or incurable plague.  The Dry Spell of 2010 was a different story… Thank goodness that drought has passed!

Just like the end of a real drought in the Dust Bowl, greener pastures usually lie ahead. The storm you’ve been waiting for strikes and now your fields have everything you need to produce a fruitful harvest. The seeds have been spread, the storm has passed and yet, there’s still an empty silo on the farm. Keeping with this awkward farm analogy, the chickens are fed but you can’t savor the meat.

 In standard, non-metaphorical English: I’ve never had an orgasm without feelings for the other person.  It’s proven. I could have sex with the hottest guy in this month’s GQ fashion section (I have a thing for well-dressed men in suits) and still only get mildly out of breath at best. I know what you’re thinking, “But  Joneshaw, you said that you have trouble connecting emotions with sex.” Right you are, and this is a part of the reason why. I’ve only slept with and had feelings for three people out of the whole Motley Crew I call a sexual past. Two were my boyfriend at the time we were actually sleeping together and then one was Mr. Dinges… they all ended badly. Add in a traumatic experience later and there you have it. The Joneshaw you all know and love. Who’s forcing herself to date and blog and re-learn the bravery it takes to have feelings. I feel like the Cowardly Lion of dating… minus the posse, the yellow brick road, and the Wizard who’ll make it all better.

I really miss those girls in relationships to have the excited girl talk about one-night stands, new guys I met, ‘bad’ or not-so-bad decisions, and crushes. Guy friends are great but they also fall into two categories, “Tease you because girls can’t be sexual” friends or “Make you feel judged because I’m jealous you have other men in your life” friends. It’s complicated and stressful and makes me want to go back to dare I say it… the virginal days, even high school. Things were simple and uncomplicated. Mail meant someone was thinking of you, dates were exciting, boys clearly asked if you wanted to be their girlfriend, and the Pro-Life March was a fantastic place to meet guys.  A chunk of time rolls by and you learn a few things. Then one day you wake up and mail means you owe someone somewhere money, dates are a chore right up there with scrubbings skid marks out of laundry, guys play senseless mind games, and you know if you got knocked up today Planned Parenthood would be the first to know.

Bottom Line: Nothing makes singledom suck like someone else putting an adjective on your party of one. Friends who get you can lighten the blow.

Next-up: The long promised and overdue howaboutwe.com date with Mr. Shady Parkstein! 

Your Undercover Lover,

Joneshaw