Too bad Rockapella didn’t sing the theme song for this one; it would have made this date more bearable. Where in the world is MysteRio? The Portuguese-Brazilian hottie who reinvented the rules of howaboutwe.com to “I like your proposed date… Now let me take you on a totally different date I thought up myself dot com.” Then when the European Café-style restaurant he proposed turned out to be closed until 5:30, he kindly text me that he will meet me at a Starbucks, three blocks away, ten minutes after we were supposed to meet. Why didn’t he just wait at the restaurant for me to arrive and tell me in person? That is for a greater mind to decipher.
Walking around TriBeCa with this winner of the genetic lottery, (tall, dark, handsome… did I mention he was from the same place as Giselle?) MysteRio decides it best to wander around until we find a place to eat that’s more “neighborhoodie.” Yes, he invented a cutesy word with an “-ie” ending. Please. Shoot me now. We then stumble upon the Greenwich St. Pub for some Panini, awkward small talk about day jobs, family, sports, and typical first date talk ensues. He did have the most beautiful honey brown eyes and luscious, full lips I have ever seen on a specimen, too bad both were noticeably vacant.
Suddenly, I get a text from Shady with another one of our adorable inside jokes… this one’s about Shady hijacking the Batmobile and meeting me at 7 in Chelsea. A tickle of nerves runs down my back like someone walked over my grave when I saw that it was 5:45. I always do have an escape route but this needs to be swift. I clearly was not digging MysteRio as much as I was Shady but the guilt of actually having someone buy me food and converse during afternoon hours was preventing me from a full-on dine and dash.
I have this bizarre, feminist-independence complex that makes me highly uncomfortable when men pay for everything. It’s very traditional, chivalrous, and cost-effective (especially since I’m broke) to let them just pay. The mind-screw, self-sabotage lies in the fact that now that they’ve paid for dinner, I “owe” them something. Like there’s this invisible tab in space and if it sways too much in the wrong direction, that means I’m using someone. My therapist reiterates to me that in dating, unlike paid escorting, people can “treat” you because they want to and if it doesn’t work out that’s okay. No one is paying me for my time or services, least of all in bar Panini.
After wandering around TriBeCa for another half-hour we parted ways and I walked him to the PATH Train… oh, yeah. EW! He lives in New Jersey; didn’t find that gem out until the date was almost over either. Then after we hugged and just before we parted ways, MysteRio tells me that, “I know a lot more about your profession that I initially lead on and I really think what you’re doing is great. I had a really nice time.” I smiled and waved awkwardly then power-walked away as fast as my little legs can carry me. This guy was strange thus far but thank God he saved that last tidbit until our departure because it was down-right creepy.
Power walking and not stopping until I reached the A train. I would then transition my makeup and hair from day to night, with intense train-make up applying skill, preparing for my second date with Shady. I quickly dismissed my date with MysteRio quicker than it happened only to realize, I was caring an exorbitant amount about my make up right now. I changed my lipstick color three times and then took an extra step to smudge on black eye liner. I stopped in every reflective surface between the train and the Black Door to make sure I wasn’t too sweaty. Holy Batman! For the first time since high school, I was nervous for this upcoming date but in a really good way.
Bottom Line: MysteRio was hot but not the whole enchilada. Thank goodness my anxiety disorder is better managed now than it was in high school. The last time I got this worked up over a guy, I gave myself hives all over my chest. Typically, not the most ideal second date look.
Next Up: Part II of my dating double header, followed by a non-date adventure!
Your Undercover Lover,
Joneshaw
