Hands-down, I had the hottest date of anyone at the wedding (aside from the bride and groom, of course.) Code-name being S-M. This perfect date takes just as long as I do to get ready, has a fashion show of outfits to get my approval of what to wear, is the DD no questions asked and no complaints, listens when I talk, laughs at my weird jokes, and dances the night away. If you haven’t already figured it out, this date was with one of my best girlfriends from college. Why am I still counting it as a blog-worthy date, you ask? Simple: she was my “plus one” for this formal affair and I learned some pretty awesome stuff about myself in her company.
In classic Joneshaw/S-M fashion, we were running late…and there was a monsoon of rain outside to boot (Italian Grandmas would tell you rain on wedding day means ‘Good Luck’ but then again, so does stepping in dog shit!) Trying not to interrupt the ceremony, we slipped in the back a few minutes before the beautiful couple exchanged vows. The emotions were high and the minister was a character. This was the first time I have witnessed a wedding ceremony and thought: “Wow, these two people are SO in love.” S-M agreed with me, misty-eyed as well (and she didn’t even know them!) Amidst the joy and spirit-filled reception, the groomsmen making bets who would take home me and my date, and playing with an adorable baby; I had a really strange thought. Leaning over to my well-dressed date over dinner, I made this random confession: “I can never see myself doing this.”
I can see myself being a mom, a professional in my field, a home owner, a friend, but never a bride and especially not a wife. Case and point: no guy even wanted to spend four days with me at a destination wedding, forget the rest of their life. My ever-positive, supportive, best friend assured me “it’s not that you can’t see yourself getting married… you just haven’t met the person you can see that happening with yet.” I can see my commitaphobic/workaholic self as a really hip, single gal, whose either everyone’s favorite aunt or a really hands-on single mom.
Some little girls dream of white dresses, flowers, parties, churches, etc. I was not one of those little girls. As long as I can remember, my first love and dream was my career. That always took a back seat to socializing and dating. I do want to have a family one day but not necessarily in the traditional nuclear sense. Ironically, my parents are happily married after almost 30 years.
It’s not monogamy that scares me. I’m more loyal than Lassie the dog and more dedicated than when she saved little Timmy from the well. The concept of emotional and physical intimacy coming from the same person makes me want to take stock in Depends Diapers. My paranoia is definitely a by-product of past traumatic experiences but supposedly that will all change if I meet “the one.” If so, will that happen instantly or over time? Will they grow on me like a fungus? Or is “still single and living in New York” what’s in the cards for me?
Bottom Line: S-M does a mean Cha-Cha Slide and is one lady I know who’s in a great relationship. Either option (single or attached) doesn’t sound like a death sentence as it maybe for some. On the flip side, after seeing two friends be SO happy, makes me wonder… am I normal not to dream about this?
Your Undercover Lover,